He reacted with anger and a complete dismissal of your feelings and concerns. In this context, the silent treatment is almost always a control tactic meant to destroy, devalue, and diminish you.įor example, you’ve confronted your narcissistic boyfriend about something. The silent treatment is also typical in abusive relationships with a narcissist, a sociopath, or other controlling types. The person can claim that they just needed “time to think” or “be alone,” and that’s why they ignored you.īut if that was the case, wouldn’t they have told you so before they stopped the communication? They didn’t because they wanted you to suffer. For example, unlike other types of abusive behaviors, it’s easy enough to deny. Plus, silent treatment has many benefits. Now that they’re grownups, they keep resorting to silent treatment every time they feel hurt, threatened, or rejected because they don’t have other coping skills. Or they’ve learned that when you give someone silent treatment, you gain control over the other person and get what you want. Perhaps, as a child, they were ignored or shunned when they misbehaved. It’s likely that they’re reenacting communication patterns observed in their families of origin. Those with inadequate communication skills have no means of communicating pain or anger other than withdrawing and falling silent. These people usually operate from their ego, meaning that they believe in their rightness and are standing firm in their opinion, belief and/or experience.- Shirin Peykar, M.A. Individuals who have difficulty communicating because their emotional maturity has been stunted learn to give people the silent treatment as a form of punishment. The habitual use of silent treatment is characteristic of two groups of individuals: people who have immature coping and communication skills, and people with narcissistic, toxic, passive-aggressive personalities. Think about that next time you’re giving someone a cold shoulder.
So silent treatment is literally like experiencing physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies. The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. So when we encounter social ostracism in the form of silent treatment, it signals danger and distress.Īn expert on ostracism Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University, says: We thrive when we enjoy a number of quality, meaningful relationships. Research shows that our brains are wired to seek out connections. They act as if you didn’t exist, and that can be very painful.
It’s even referred to as “mental murder” because the person giving you the silent treatment “kills” you in their mind. Silent treatment is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. So let’s take a closer look at what happens when someone gives us the silent treatment. It’s a form of punishment and is usually employed by toxic or narcissistic individuals. But intentional and prolonged silent treatment is a form of social ostracism that can cause severe emotional and even physical harm. It’s OK if you just need some time to “cool off”.
Or you were annoyed with your husband so you let his calls go to voicemail. Perhaps, you felt so hurt by a friend that you couldn’t bring yourself to speak to them for a while. We’ve all treated someone with silence at some point in our lives. abruptly disappearing from their life with no explanation.The silent treatment is a manipulative tactic designed to control another person’s behavior with silence. Have you ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment or stonewalling? Or maybe you’ve done it to someone else.Įither way, you are familiar with these socially acceptable forms of abuse.
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